why i quit medical school
kemaren abis interview terus interviewernya nanya "kamu mengisi kekosongan kamu dengan apa" keliatannya orang langsung tau ya kalo gue kosong.
terus doi juga nanya kenapa keluar dari fk. "kenapa, otaknya ga nyampe?" lol bapak belom pernah nyoba cs/if, apalah ngapalin anatomi manusia dibanding ngoding algoritma~
anyway gue dulu milih fk juga karena jurusan yg gue mau (sastra-related lol) ga dibolehin, terus kalo milih yg banyak fisikanya (teknik) gue kaga kuat lol. kalo jadi dokter itu sendiri... dulu gue ngerasa MSF itu keren sih tapi tbh gue ga tertarik treating people in general. saya suka ilmunya, praktiknya tidak. btw dulu gue sempat ngira semua orang yg apply fk itu tujuannya mulia, mau nyembuhin orang blablabla.
ok cerita soal keluarga gue ya. gue tumbuh besar kurang perhatian/affection kayanya tapi dimengerti lah soalnya bokap nyokap gue kerja since kita bukan dari keluarga berada. dulu juga ga begitu gue pikirin sih, soalnya oma opa gue sangat perhatian, terutama opa gue, he was my rock. dari dulu temen gue itu dikit, karena gue selalu ketakutan sama orang. takut keberadaan gue mengganggu mereka etc. gue dari kecil emang udah rada aneh (let's face it, gue ga normal), tapi gue cukup stabil dulu karena opa gue ini. doi sangat amat intelek, yang macu gue buat banyak belajar juga. di rumahnya doi ada 1 set ensiklopedia yang tiap ke sana pasti gue baca. buku2 tafsir alkitab dan telekomunikasi (yg banyak fisikanya yang gue ga suka) doi aja gue baca. kalo dibilang "wah kamu wawasannya luas sekali" itu semua karena pengaruh opa. setiap gue mau kemana mana pasti opa yang nganter. kalo ada dia gue selalu tenang, padahal dia ga banyak bicara. tapi setiap ada beliau pasti gue ngerasa aman, ngerasa "whole". in short, he was my everything. support utama gue. gue ga pernah ngerasa on my own selama dia masih ada.
pas lagi zaman pmb univ itu opa gue sakit parah, komplikasi di mana mana. tapi doi somehow tetap damai tenang yang bikin gue mikir "ah pasti bakal sembuh". tiap gue dateng jenguk juga doi raut wajahnya kaya ga kenapa kenapa. he was really happy knowing that i passed the sbmptn. my only thought at that time was "im going to be a great doctor so if he ever fall sick again i can heal him fast". i hope he can see me later becoming a great person. but no, he died on my first day of student orientation. and since the uni located far away, i can't go home immediately. i couldn't see him on his last time. i couldn't see him for the last time. and that was my breaking point. thats when the hole becomes visible. thats when i realized "oh my God i'm on my own". i did so many unthinkable things at the time. like, i prayed to God to bring him back to life. if Jesus can bring Lazarus back, then He can do the same for grandpa right? i even said things like "God, i'll trade half of my life for grandpa's" (pelit hehehe seharusnya my whole life kan) and so on and so on...
i went home for like a week and return back to the uni. i skipped 2 days of orientation. the seniors only asked one thing, "why didn't you go back immediately?" holy fucking shit my family died and thats the only thing they care about? i even made up some reasons bc apparently, grief is not an excuse. you know the stories like "this doctor just lost his wife but he skipped her funeral bc he has a scheduled surgery" that kind of story... you know what, fuck it. some other people might be able to do that, but not me. there was also this other kid who lost his mother and they treated him the same, without a single care, not even an "our condolences". like i understand if they treated me that way bc to most people, grandparents are not figures you see often aka not people you're that close to. but him? ITS HIS FUCKING MOTHER YOU FUCKING ARSEHOLES WHO DONT DESERVE TO BREATHE THE OXYGEN. and thats how i lost all respect towards people who work in medical field. and my existing trust issue just got worse.
the following year, i quit medical school. sebenernya dari awal juga udah mau keluar tapi gue tahan tahan. untungnya temen gue baek2. jadi masih ada dorongan untuk lanjut. tutorial juga asik soalnya kita belajar sendiri dan banyak belajar hal baru. tapiiiiiiiiii emang dasar udah ga niat kesenggol dikit langsung keluar + gue emang males orangnya. ini kampus kompetitifnya taik sih (yang disambut dengan "ah di sini juga kok" oleh interviewer kemaren). gue ga masalah mau lo nyontek kek, pr dikerjain orang kek, tapi kalo pas praktikum lu nutupin dan gue ga bisa dapet apa apa ya gimana gue mau belajar njing????? ditambah dengan attitude sebagian besar mahasiswa yg cuma karena mereka anak fk, menganggap strata mereka di atas orang lain. cuih. ditambah lagi 1 guru besar (satu fakultas keknya dia paling dihormati somehow) yang kalo ga menjelek-jelekkan fk dari univ lain (yg notabene rank nya lebih tinggi) kek nya kurang afdol. materi kuliah bapak sangat ketinggalan zaman lho pak, tau ga pak. tapi ya itu somehow dia sangat disukai dan dihormati orang??? (yang mengingatkan gue pada being liked != being good).
keluar fk, gue masuk cs. kampus dan jurusan yang baru ini, sejujur-jujurnya, sangat amat bagus. apalagi buat pertumbuhan mahasiswanya. lingkungannya sangat mendukung. kalo lo normal (ga kaya gue) pasti betah. ga ada celanya pokoknya. tapiii dasar gue emang ga niat, gue terus2an bolos dan kredit gue ga ketolong jadi gue harus keluar. alasan utamanya karena gue ga siap mengorbankan kesenangan pribadi demi tanggung jawab. but again, ga ada hal buruk yg gue alami di kampus yg kedua ini. very recommended lah walaupun lo ga suka jurusannya juga ((kalo lo normal)).
terus doi juga nanya kenapa keluar dari fk. "kenapa, otaknya ga nyampe?" lol bapak belom pernah nyoba cs/if, apalah ngapalin anatomi manusia dibanding ngoding algoritma~
anyway gue dulu milih fk juga karena jurusan yg gue mau (sastra-related lol) ga dibolehin, terus kalo milih yg banyak fisikanya (teknik) gue kaga kuat lol. kalo jadi dokter itu sendiri... dulu gue ngerasa MSF itu keren sih tapi tbh gue ga tertarik treating people in general. saya suka ilmunya, praktiknya tidak. btw dulu gue sempat ngira semua orang yg apply fk itu tujuannya mulia, mau nyembuhin orang blablabla.
ok cerita soal keluarga gue ya. gue tumbuh besar kurang perhatian/affection kayanya tapi dimengerti lah soalnya bokap nyokap gue kerja since kita bukan dari keluarga berada. dulu juga ga begitu gue pikirin sih, soalnya oma opa gue sangat perhatian, terutama opa gue, he was my rock. dari dulu temen gue itu dikit, karena gue selalu ketakutan sama orang. takut keberadaan gue mengganggu mereka etc. gue dari kecil emang udah rada aneh (let's face it, gue ga normal), tapi gue cukup stabil dulu karena opa gue ini. doi sangat amat intelek, yang macu gue buat banyak belajar juga. di rumahnya doi ada 1 set ensiklopedia yang tiap ke sana pasti gue baca. buku2 tafsir alkitab dan telekomunikasi (yg banyak fisikanya yang gue ga suka) doi aja gue baca. kalo dibilang "wah kamu wawasannya luas sekali" itu semua karena pengaruh opa. setiap gue mau kemana mana pasti opa yang nganter. kalo ada dia gue selalu tenang, padahal dia ga banyak bicara. tapi setiap ada beliau pasti gue ngerasa aman, ngerasa "whole". in short, he was my everything. support utama gue. gue ga pernah ngerasa on my own selama dia masih ada.
pas lagi zaman pmb univ itu opa gue sakit parah, komplikasi di mana mana. tapi doi somehow tetap damai tenang yang bikin gue mikir "ah pasti bakal sembuh". tiap gue dateng jenguk juga doi raut wajahnya kaya ga kenapa kenapa. he was really happy knowing that i passed the sbmptn. my only thought at that time was "im going to be a great doctor so if he ever fall sick again i can heal him fast". i hope he can see me later becoming a great person. but no, he died on my first day of student orientation. and since the uni located far away, i can't go home immediately. i couldn't see him on his last time. i couldn't see him for the last time. and that was my breaking point. thats when the hole becomes visible. thats when i realized "oh my God i'm on my own". i did so many unthinkable things at the time. like, i prayed to God to bring him back to life. if Jesus can bring Lazarus back, then He can do the same for grandpa right? i even said things like "God, i'll trade half of my life for grandpa's" (pelit hehehe seharusnya my whole life kan) and so on and so on...
i went home for like a week and return back to the uni. i skipped 2 days of orientation. the seniors only asked one thing, "why didn't you go back immediately?" holy fucking shit my family died and thats the only thing they care about? i even made up some reasons bc apparently, grief is not an excuse. you know the stories like "this doctor just lost his wife but he skipped her funeral bc he has a scheduled surgery" that kind of story... you know what, fuck it. some other people might be able to do that, but not me. there was also this other kid who lost his mother and they treated him the same, without a single care, not even an "our condolences". like i understand if they treated me that way bc to most people, grandparents are not figures you see often aka not people you're that close to. but him? ITS HIS FUCKING MOTHER YOU FUCKING ARSEHOLES WHO DONT DESERVE TO BREATHE THE OXYGEN. and thats how i lost all respect towards people who work in medical field. and my existing trust issue just got worse.
the following year, i quit medical school. sebenernya dari awal juga udah mau keluar tapi gue tahan tahan. untungnya temen gue baek2. jadi masih ada dorongan untuk lanjut. tutorial juga asik soalnya kita belajar sendiri dan banyak belajar hal baru. tapiiiiiiiiii emang dasar udah ga niat kesenggol dikit langsung keluar + gue emang males orangnya. ini kampus kompetitifnya taik sih (yang disambut dengan "ah di sini juga kok" oleh interviewer kemaren). gue ga masalah mau lo nyontek kek, pr dikerjain orang kek, tapi kalo pas praktikum lu nutupin dan gue ga bisa dapet apa apa ya gimana gue mau belajar njing????? ditambah dengan attitude sebagian besar mahasiswa yg cuma karena mereka anak fk, menganggap strata mereka di atas orang lain. cuih. ditambah lagi 1 guru besar (satu fakultas keknya dia paling dihormati somehow) yang kalo ga menjelek-jelekkan fk dari univ lain (yg notabene rank nya lebih tinggi) kek nya kurang afdol. materi kuliah bapak sangat ketinggalan zaman lho pak, tau ga pak. tapi ya itu somehow dia sangat disukai dan dihormati orang??? (yang mengingatkan gue pada being liked != being good).
keluar fk, gue masuk cs. kampus dan jurusan yang baru ini, sejujur-jujurnya, sangat amat bagus. apalagi buat pertumbuhan mahasiswanya. lingkungannya sangat mendukung. kalo lo normal (ga kaya gue) pasti betah. ga ada celanya pokoknya. tapiii dasar gue emang ga niat, gue terus2an bolos dan kredit gue ga ketolong jadi gue harus keluar. alasan utamanya karena gue ga siap mengorbankan kesenangan pribadi demi tanggung jawab. but again, ga ada hal buruk yg gue alami di kampus yg kedua ini. very recommended lah walaupun lo ga suka jurusannya juga ((kalo lo normal)).
Komentar
Posting Komentar